Ity and Bity

Children nowadays should not be underestimated.
See here, the (almost) accurate true-life accounts from a first-hand source.

Lost Notes from the Memory Bin
Exibit #1
At the tender age of 9, they curse better than hardcore sailors:

Go to _ _ _ _
S_ _ _
Various choice Hokkien epithets.
I F_ _ _ Y_ _ (said to me) *you idiot. I am not into being a paedophile. Plus, the next second, you complain that phrases like kiss and make up are "eww" and "gross". If ONLY you know what that word means.*

Here, one must wonder. If I point out that F_ _ _ is a bad word for "kissing", do you think they'll buy it and stop using that damnable vulgarity?? I expect angry parents would go after me instead.
Of course, vulgarities are not directed at only me, but more frequently, at each other.

Exhibit #2
They whine better than anyone else.

It's not even the vulgarities that kill me. No. Not when certain of your friends and the TV use them all the time. (Thank you, TV, and friends, for building up my insensitivity)

It's. the. whining.
Everytime one of the boys says something rude, the girls will start protesting: "teacher! Teacher! TEACHER! TEACHER! XX USE THAT WORD!"
*yes. I heard that. Now stop whining. I'm getting a headache*

Teacher clears throat: "XX! Stop using vulgarities! It's very rude!" *sigh. groan*
XX: "S_ _ _ lah" (glowers at other boy, who says something just as rude in return)
Girls *altogether now, 1,2,3*: "TEACHER! WHINE..WHINE...WHINE..."
*uggh. stop! stop! Your whining is worse than the swearing! Ignore them! If you show that you aren't bothered by their bloody (oops) swearing, they'll get bored and stop! Stop whining already!*
bzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz.

Exhibit #3
The Artful Dodger (Singapore Edition)

Flashback:
Teacher: "JJ! What are you doing standing on that chair? Why are the tables and chairs like this?" (gestures at classroom, which has been turned into a maze after class has ended)
Girl 1+2: "His name is not JJ."
Teacher (baffled): "Eh?"
Girl 1 bangs on the table.
Teacher (intelligibly): "Huh? Table?"
Girls giggle. "No. He's called Knockknock!"
*I see.*
Girl 2: "Actually, before this, he had another name."
Teacher: "Oh? What's that?"
Girl 2: "He is called Food-stealer!"
Teacher glowers accusingly at JJ: "Did u steal food?" JJ protests: "No!"
Girl 2: "Yes! He stole my sandwich before. The small kind."

-End Flashback-

It is the end of class. Deja vu anyone?
I pack, and am ready to leave when I recall that I had lent one of the students my pen.

Attempt One to retrieve pen: FAIL
(notes: imitating the trademark coy, wide-eye innocence of student does not work)

Attempt Two to retrieve pen: PASS
(notes: but now, the marker (on loan from office) is in student's possession)

Attempt Three to retrieve one's own item: NEVERMIND

As I leave the class, the evil artful dodger decides that it'll be funny to pick my bag. Naturally, having anticpated this from Day 1 since I got this bag, the only a pickpocket will be able to steal will be something useless, like my water bottle, which is of the old, cheap plastic variety. It's a pity, after wrangling all my items back, I forgot the stupid bottle. It's not something that I miss, but I was rather thirsty on my way home.
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It's odd. But even with all these nonsense, I seem to well, enjoy meeting them week after week.