Harry Potter & the Old Lady who Farted

It is night time at Hogwarts, and HARRY is seated in the Gryffindor common room asleep in one of the armchairs. A thick book slips from under him and falls with a loud thud, waking him up.

HARRY: What? Oh great, I've gone and fallen asleep again. Snape's going to kill me tomorrow if I don't finish his homework on time...(bends down to pick up book)

A VOICE: (cheerfully) Yup! I bet he's going to confiscate your Firebolt at the rate you are going. Isn't it your third time forgetting your textbook in his class?

HARRY: Actually it's my fourth time this week. (gestures in frustration at essay on table) I hate this. (looks around in puzzlement) Anyway who are you? Ghosts aren't allowed in the House common rooms.

A VOICE: What nonsense. I am not a ghost. I am merely a disembodied voice that you are hearing because you are only partially asleep. But that doesn't make me your conscience. Goodness knows where that's gone anyway. Whatever happened to you in the Order of the Phoenix? You sound like a whiny brat! I am certain your conscience is in the Hospital for the Fatally Ill Mental Voices for a bad bout of Guilt.

HARRY: Huh?

A VOICE: What I mean to say is that you ought to treat your conscience better after making us sit through that ridiculously lengthy 5th Book, endure the death of a main character that lasted about 2 books out of the 6 so far and read about you and your abrupt change of character. You should be more in tune with your conscience. I do hope your conscience is doing ok.

HARRY: You can't blame me for the way things turned out. Besides I didn't commission the Order of the Phoenix...Fawkes did. He was extremely pleased that he got featured in the title and got his portrait splashed on the book cover. He's rather pleased with the 'Adult version'...says it makes him look imposing and grand.

A VOICE: I see. Still I hope the Half-blood Prince will be good. It's recieved generally good reviews and the title is promising. I was thinking about it today when I got into the lift at my block. An old lady and two maids got in as well. When the lift door closed, the old lady farted really loudly. Ugh. It probably smells worse than anything Neville can come up with in Potions class.

HARRY: Don't be mean.

A VOICE: To whom? Neville or the old lady?

HARRY: (severely) BOTH.


End

There are times when I wish my sanity would come ack to me. It is a love-hate affair here. Anyway, I really really want the 6th book! Unfortunately it is beyond my means to buy it. $40.60!!! Actually considering that it is rather fat a book and hard cover too...it is a reasonable price. That doesn't mean that I can afford it though. Will wait for it to be cheaper first. I sound like a cheapskate. Which I am anyway. Hahaha. Cya for know.