Baka Cat

Sometimes, animals will behave in the strangest ways. Take the following real-life encounters as proof.

I am out with my parents and sis at the Whampoa market. Don't know where that is? It is in a godforsaken part of Singapore. Before anyone points out that they live there, I will say that there is nothing wrong with living in a secluded part of Singapore; there are times when I would envy the ones who live in blissful isolation. Right, as I was saying, we were at the market for lunch. It is very strange. There are bees at the hawker centre. They buzz around the seats nonchalantly, and cluster around the beancurd desert shop. One wonders why. Apart from being a general nuisance, they are a danger to society (they would have to buzz around my rice, and no one else's).

That was the first of the animal mysteries. Next, a black cat, full grown mind you, and therefore had the mental capability of a mature, thinking animal, came and sat at the periphery of our table. It looked at us with that typically endearing big-eyed look that said, "Aww. Look at the cute kitty. Feed me please!" Being animal lovers, me and my sis began discussing (in an undertone, cos my dad doesn't like us playing with or feeding strays) whether we should feed the cat. It went something like that:

SIS: Should we feed the cat?
ME: (eagerly) OK. (pause) You do it.
SIS: You feed lah.
ME: Why me? Anyway, it might not eat chicken...
SIS: I'm not sure.
(In the meantime, Cat starts cleaning itself next to my table. After dithering about for a few minutes agonising over whether I should feed it, I decided I should.)
ME: Right. What about Dad?
SIS: I'll distract him...Dad! Look over there! [I am serious. My dad really looked 'over there']
(I quickly throw a piece of chicken to the cat)

Guess what. The stupid cat got up from cleaning itself and walked right past the piece of chicken that I had painstakingly deboned for it. Stupid stupid cat. Then, the best part comes. It stalked round our table once and settled down to stare at us eating our chicken rice - with the same appealing look it had before I tried to feed it. The piece of chicken lay folornly on the opposite side of the table, forgotten by the cat.

The third stars of absurdist animal behaviour were put on by none other than my own hamsters. Both of them were playing on the hamster wheel. Only one thing. They were both running in the opposite directions. Yup, so the total action was that there were two hamsters scrambling happily on a stationary wheel. They did this at least 3 times that night too. Ah well. The mysteries of animal behaviour...

Kappa's Guide to Natural Highs (Villian Version 1.1)

I recently visited my friend's blog and saw this article entitled 'Natural Highs'. It is supposed to "lift your spirits". That, was a goody-goody version. Now, I will impart to you, the Sith's version to Natural Highs. May the force be with you.

1. Sitting in your school canteen with your good friends and makingsnide remarks at everyone. ("Look at that bald donkey!" "That teacher looks like a bulldog, shouldn't he be at the pound?")
   
2. Bullying inexperienced relief teachers. ("Where's the chalk?" "Oh, you are sitting on it, 'cher!")
3. Playing the violin (especially when you aren't too good at it yet)when your mum is taking her afternoon nap.
4. Playing the piano when your family is watching television.Watching "American's
5. Funniest Home Videos" (Moral of the story: Laugh when tragedy befalls others)
6. Watching reruns of old local series, e.g. Triple Nine. (Oh god! LiLin in high waist jeans! She looks like a poulet when she put on too-red lipstick! Oh, and that crappy hairstyle! (laughs hysterically))
7. Imagine the guy or girl you have a crush on walking about naked. (It will be good if he or she had a great body, if not...erm...you will just have to imagine it.)
8. Mixing your father's hair tonic into your mother's shampoo. (The result's pretty interesting!)
9. Accidentally-on-purpose sending your friend spoilers for Harry Potter. (Oh, I'm sooo sorry! I sent it to you by mistake! It was meant for another person!)
10. Hearing Leong read Chinese, or speak Chinese; it's hilariously funny. (Ask her to tell you the sunflower incident)
11. Watching a guy's expression when you tell him his zippers are undone. (Even if they are not...undone, I mean)
12. Whipping up some weird-looking food and ask your sister to try them. (younger sister or brother, preferably)
13. Looking at old photographs of your form teacher (Look here! Here's when Mr X still had his hair!)
14. Sticking a picture of your school rival on a dart board. (10 points if you hit the body, 20 if you hit the face and 100 if you can hit the groin!)
15. Confusing your friends. (Kappa, so which one is it? You are confusing me!)
16. Hearing Leong shrieking* at you, waving her fists in the air ("You villainous villain!"..."This is utter villainy!)
17. Hearing or smelling somebody fart in public.
18. Looking at a guy digging his ears, then smelling his earwax and then telling your friends about it. Enjoy the gross expression on their faces.
19. Consoling your rival in school when she/he failed the exams.("Poor thing, never mind, you can do better next time!" Think: If there even is a next time.) Then mocking her/him behind his/her back.
20. Clipping a clothes-peg onto the nose of a person sleeping.
21. Drinking coffee. (My friend always gets high after drinking coffee, she would giggle and shriek, laugh and yell. That, in essence, is that she has lost control.
22. Seeing your rival lost her place as queen of the high-and-mighty in school.
23. Watching man-hunt on television.
24. Watching Jim Carrey's "Lawyer, Lawyer".
25. Last but not least, writing obscenities on somebody's cast.(One, look at the poor person hobble about on the cast, or trying to feed himself, and two, the obscenities.)
    

That's all folks! If you have any suggestions on this article, please feel free to flood Leong's tag board. Ciao.This Guide is in near pristine condition. I hardly made any changes. Hope you enjoyed it as much as I did.*I do NOT shriek.

Poll Time!

OK. There are some people who seem to think that the font size is too small and will subject them to a state of perpetual blindness. Because of this there is now POLL TIME!

Just tell me if the font size is too small...dun mail me. Use the tag-board. It is there for such things. It has however been used for other, less, amiable things like insulting my organisational skills [or the lack of it], my blog and me in general. Sigh. What are friends for? I thank all those who have made useful and or encouraging comments and as for those with less than useful things to say...well I must admit that it has been fun - all those verbal warfare and somehow me on the losing side...haha. It is a humbling experience. Don't laugh. I am being serious.

Right, before poll time, I can say that the font size is simply for asethetic purposes. If it hampers reading, I will forego art and do something to make your reading a pleasure. Thanks!

Vote:
Font size (1)
Font Size (2)

I Like to Move it

Am feeling rather philosphical after today's lecture on Chaucer's A Knight's Tale. If u are getting a headache or are in no mood to think beyond what TV show is nice tonight. STAY AWAY. I am not liable for any mental breakdown caused in this post. If you insist on reading on, then, dear reader, beware.

There is this talk about divine intervention and the "First Moevre [Mover]", who in the beginning, set in motion a chain of spheres - the planets which causes...well...causes things to happen. The planets thing has to do with astrology. Right. Venus, Mars, Saturn all represent different aspects of Lfe - Love, War and MisFortune/Chao. The idea of Fortune is even more clearly represented in the book as Fortuna, goddess of chance and the random; "aventure", as Chaucer calls it. Anyway, Thesues, one of the lead characters and the wisest of the lot, speaks of the 1st Mover as someone that watches or observes the gods, the humans from a distant, 3rd person sort of perspective. In other words, Love, War and Fortune are all controlled by a being beyond themselves - a being behind even the divine as represented by the pagan gods. Fortune figures largely in the the Tale and many of the significant events are really just chance meetings. What I suppose Theseus is trying to say is probably this: Fortunes may rise and fall, joy follows woe and woe follows joy - neither are eternal in the lives of Men, but follow on the heels of each other. Yet, we should not grieve when things do not go our way, nor should we trap ourselves because of unlucky circumstances but look forward - because our lives are in a way predestined by the 1st Mover so long ago when he created the universe. Hence, in seemingly random events do we discern order and control - for even Fortune is governed by a higher being.

Ouch...Finally got it all out of my system. Been thinking how to phrase my thoughts in a somewhat more logical manner...Yay! I am ready for Wednesday's presentation!!

Harry Potter & the Old Lady who Farted

It is night time at Hogwarts, and HARRY is seated in the Gryffindor common room asleep in one of the armchairs. A thick book slips from under him and falls with a loud thud, waking him up.

HARRY: What? Oh great, I've gone and fallen asleep again. Snape's going to kill me tomorrow if I don't finish his homework on time...(bends down to pick up book)

A VOICE: (cheerfully) Yup! I bet he's going to confiscate your Firebolt at the rate you are going. Isn't it your third time forgetting your textbook in his class?

HARRY: Actually it's my fourth time this week. (gestures in frustration at essay on table) I hate this. (looks around in puzzlement) Anyway who are you? Ghosts aren't allowed in the House common rooms.

A VOICE: What nonsense. I am not a ghost. I am merely a disembodied voice that you are hearing because you are only partially asleep. But that doesn't make me your conscience. Goodness knows where that's gone anyway. Whatever happened to you in the Order of the Phoenix? You sound like a whiny brat! I am certain your conscience is in the Hospital for the Fatally Ill Mental Voices for a bad bout of Guilt.

HARRY: Huh?

A VOICE: What I mean to say is that you ought to treat your conscience better after making us sit through that ridiculously lengthy 5th Book, endure the death of a main character that lasted about 2 books out of the 6 so far and read about you and your abrupt change of character. You should be more in tune with your conscience. I do hope your conscience is doing ok.

HARRY: You can't blame me for the way things turned out. Besides I didn't commission the Order of the Phoenix...Fawkes did. He was extremely pleased that he got featured in the title and got his portrait splashed on the book cover. He's rather pleased with the 'Adult version'...says it makes him look imposing and grand.

A VOICE: I see. Still I hope the Half-blood Prince will be good. It's recieved generally good reviews and the title is promising. I was thinking about it today when I got into the lift at my block. An old lady and two maids got in as well. When the lift door closed, the old lady farted really loudly. Ugh. It probably smells worse than anything Neville can come up with in Potions class.

HARRY: Don't be mean.

A VOICE: To whom? Neville or the old lady?

HARRY: (severely) BOTH.


End

There are times when I wish my sanity would come ack to me. It is a love-hate affair here. Anyway, I really really want the 6th book! Unfortunately it is beyond my means to buy it. $40.60!!! Actually considering that it is rather fat a book and hard cover too...it is a reasonable price. That doesn't mean that I can afford it though. Will wait for it to be cheaper first. I sound like a cheapskate. Which I am anyway. Hahaha. Cya for know.

Today, Tomorrow and Everyday

It is really quite sad. My days are filled with monotony. Everyday, I find myself doing the same things over and over again. This is translated into slang as "I have no life". I wake up, eat breakfast, read the paper and then slack around. No matter how I try, I just can't seem to get myself into a more productive mode. I should be freaking out. My Prelims are (to quote the TVs in sch) 57 days away. The As are only a 100 days or so away. I've never felt so daunted in my life before. I want to start revising, but my brain just refuses to cooperate. Well, not just my brain, but physically too...I MUST break out of monotony...and strive to well...submerge myself into more drudgery. What irony.
Study study study. Hate it.

Anyway, I've just finished reading Chaucer's "The Knight's Tale". One reading is clearly not enough. I am getting my facts mixed up already. At least...only those in the beginning, though I wouldn't trust my own opinion on that. This is terrible. What is wrong with me?? It means that I need to read them again. Can't imagine doing that for Persuasion. Haha. Actually I can. It would be fun.

Great, as I am typing this, my mum and sis are arguing. It is too bad. I feel whatever miserable little good vibes I had today flying out of the window.

I'll go now. Good night.

NKFoe/riend?

Thought I'll just jump onto the NKF bandwagon as well. Poor T.T. Durai. I am like anyone else, shocked that he commands a $25000 monthly salary. I've donated to NKF before, and frankly, I wonder if my money does end up in someone's pocket. I recall the time I went to the NKF HQ in Balestier. My first thought was "Great! Air-con at last!" Next was a sort of awe at the imposing glass façade and grand, airy concierge.

Wow.

For a charity organization, they've really made it big. It took a while, but when I reflected on the grandeur of the building, nestled within an industrial estate with really ancient looking factories, I wonder - what a sore sight. For a charitable organization that depended solely on the public's well meant donations, it looked really nice. One starts to compare it with other charities in Singapore. The SPCA has a dilapidated HQ. The Cancer Society doesn't have a 12 storey HQ. So...why? If you are a highly successful charity organization, who some say have reserves to last for the next 30yrs, what would you do? Continue to solicit money from the public, or just retire? Others say that 30yrs is a mere estimation; that it was blown up by the media. OK...even if it wasn't, does that mean that we should stop donating to the NKF? If so, I then pity the kidney patients who benefit from the organization's help. After all, the number of kidney patients grow every year, and if donations stop, what will happen to them?

I understand that it is ridiculous that a charity should have CEOs, fancy glass offices and Mercedes cars with attached chauffeurs. But does that mean that every charity should keep to a tatty, poverty-induced image? If so, I wonder who would actually volunteer to lead a life of poverty, even if the spiritual or moralistic gain is great? Surely a do-good organization should deserve better working onditions? Moreover, the NKF is not some start-up NGO that would for finances sake rent some 1-room HDB flat as its HQ... The NKF is an established government backed organization. What is so wrong with keeping with the times? The answer is obvious. Ostentatious gold taps (what a terrible fashion faux pas), the CEO is paid a monthly salary that would be beyond most Singaporeans and a disturbingly glossy office. But that by itself does not irk anyone - it is the fact that the public was kept in the dark about it. The issue among Singaporeans is obvious - where is my money going? The NKF has done a great job in taking care of the kidney patients here, pity this blow-up has resulted in a loss of faith for it.

The Rainspatter Chronicles Pt I

Good evening ladies and gentlemen, this is Evita Felinstars, reporting to you 'live' from the Moving Market, currently set up in the empty field beside the Hadley Monument. Folks, if you've still not got out of your homes, this is the time to do so, with the Moving Market finally making its way round to Rainer's Cloud. As you can see, most of Rainer's Cloud has decided to hit Opening Night, and it is extremely crowded down here!

Let's see what amazing finds the Moving Market has to offer us this time of the month! It is July, the month named for the Roman conqueror, Julius Caesar. I'm sure you all know just who this chap is...the fellow who conquered most of Europe [and was defeated]. In celebration of all things Roman this month, the Moving Market has some great Greek goings-on up for grabs, Opening Night only! Aha! Here is one of them! Along the Food Avenue, you'll find rare Roman delicacies (cow's eyes) going for a mere 5 Northings per plate. One is not surprised how cheaply they are going for...

Up next, we have something more palatable. The attractive young lady standing next to me is none other than Ms Breezy, the proud owner and proprietor of Roman's Foot, the excellent foot massage parlour that offers the best services for those aching feet of yours. Let's see what she has to say about Opening Night.

Me: So, Ms Breezy, tell us what you think of Opening Night on Rainer's Cloud?

Ms B: Umm. Looking good I guess. Rainer's Cloud is one of the smaller towns we got, after Meteoropolis and Watervane City, but really, it's amazing that I've got such popular demand for my massage services. It's great coming here, and I've already got a least half a dozen bookings before Opening Night, and not just for feet...I do wings too.

There you have it folks! It looks like it will be a great Moving Market event - all those excellent food, ascetic attractions and cheap sales! I've been told that Roman silver ornaments are also going for half its usual prices, and people with such unusual tastes should not miss this bargain! (At least that is what the shopkeeper tells me)

But ladies, you should not miss the ever faithful Venus Wonders, with its pretty collection of lapis lazuli jewllery. As anyone knows, they are all the rage at the moment! I hear that a new collection has just come up and this is truly a not to be missed opportunity to buy the new necklace or bracelet that you've always wanted. In fact, I've just got myself this lapis lazuli brooch a moment ago as we trawled the shops for anything quirky and quirkier!

Everyone knows July is the month of the strange, and this Moving Market is no difference. So dig out your shopping bags and hop by Moving Market tonight. Once again, this is Evita Felinstars, reporting for Cloudhopper Daily.

Library Books

There are library books that are perpetually on the shelves and there are library books you never get to see. Then, give that book a little publicity, say a movie or an author book signing at Borders and Kinokuniya and voila! The book, which was frequently unborrowed becomes a MUST-HAVE. Check out Howl's Moving Castle, by Diana Wynne Jones a couple of weeks before and after Miyazaki's film adaptation came to screens here. The book became an instant hit and practically every copy was borrowed out or reserved. As for the Lord of the Rings mania a couple of years back, I thought, since I couldn't buy the book (as they were all sold out), I'll borrow them. Guess what. I was number 143 on the waiting list. I am (still am) wondering if the whole of Singapore suddenly morphed into classic literary critics. The fact that known fantasy buffs have been unable to complete half of Vol 1 makes me wonder if others have sold their still glossy copies to the Karang Guni Man (rag & bone seller) or are forcing their kids to read them because it is a "good book".

The fact is, the current mini wave caused by the arrival of Neil Gaiman, fantasy writer extraordinaire has resulted in a sudden flurry of his books being borrowed or reserved. For instance, "American Gods" is one of those perpetual unborrowed books. Now they are all borrowed. Publicity can do wonders. It makes me wonder why the book wasn't attractive by itself. Was it the ugly cover? I will admit that I like a book with a nice cover. Maybe that explains it, maybe it doesn't. Anyway, I'll just leave it here, most probably to rot or something.
That in other words mean THINK ABOUT IT.

What's Up at the Zoo?

Yesterday, I was at the Singapore Zoological Gardens with my mum and sis. Sometimes I wonder why when, after making a great deal of a fuss about going somewhere, you end up, against all odds, enjoying the visit more than you ever strike out to be. The weather was ok, though not exactly ideal, being a tad too hot for my taste, but still, it was alright for a day of traipsing around animals, and that certain wonderful aroma that goes with them.

Loved the siamangs (a kind of gibbon from Indonesia), and this very fake looking crocodile in the "Tree-Top Walk Exhibit". When I mean "fake looking", it's because all I saw of it was this enormous, partially open jaw that slowly sank beneath this faux waterfall - it (whatever of it that can be seen) bore a most striking resemblance to that Tyrannosaurus from the Jurassic Park movie. I can only observe how ironic it is that the real deal looks false in reality, and the fake one so entirely convincing on our TV screens. The white tigers were stunning, though I can't say I really like the male tiger; it seemed to LOVE parading around on this huge rocky outcrop with a really smug air before demonstrating on a tree its "this is my territory" act...men...

Speaking of which, I think zoos ought to have R(A) screenings of its animals' behaviour. THAT was only the beginning. There was this pair of male monkeys exhibiting highly ambiguous behaviour which I shall not dwell on. I don't know why goats are associated with the over amorous - the title should go, hands down to the baboon.

Did I mention the smell? Most exhibits stank, courtesy of the humid weather conditions. However, the trip wasn't without its positive highlights. A goat escaped in the Children's World, and walked up to a crowd standing outside a pen full of sheep and goats, waiting to be petted. You should have seen the zookeeper's face when he came up with food for the sheep...the goat stared back so placidly, like it was saying "Who me?"

Funnily enough, it wasn't the only thing to have escaped, an iland* from the savanna exhibit got loose too, and was squeezing its way between a bit of landscaping outside the rhinoceros exhibit. Initially, we thought it was just a part of its exhibit, but who puts bamboo in a savanna exhibit? When we looked round the big patch of bush and saw only a "No Entry Sign", we figured it was an escaped iland. That was confirmed when we saw that there was no fence on the other side of the bush and a zookeeper on bike stared at the iland as he cycled past...

We spent almost 7 hrs in that godforsaken jungle. It wasn't bad, I mean...cute ducklings and all...Love the zoo. Hate the trouble getting there. Hate being pestered about going there...

*iland: A brown antelope like creature with distinct white stripes on its body; larger than antelopes though and the escaped one was the size of a small horse.